Luca's Heart Journey - Post Op Day 18 - Hospital Day 21

 Monday Morning Update - Post Op Day 18 - Hospital Day 21 

Last Sunday evening, I left the CICU with tears streaming down my face, defeated from a day of watching Luca battle withdrawal alone. The plans to remove the line that was keeping me from holding him had been delayed and my heart was overwhelmed with helplessness. I went back to our room at the Ronald McDonald House telling the Lord that I didn't think my heart could handle another day of watching my son suffer, begging Him to turn the heart of the surgeon toward removal if it was the best option for Luca.

He so graciously answered and somehow a week has passed already and more mountains have been moved. 

We've pushed through the pain and plodded along the path toward home, hour by hour, moment by moment.

Luca has faced physical pain as his tiny body adjusts to functioning without the medicines it was given for the last twenty days and also as it begins to feel the effects of open heart surgery, each hiccup or cough, bringing discomfort again.

Mama has battled intense emotional pain which feels so heavy at times, I can almost feel it physically. Learning to cradle him in my arms without offering him an opportunity to suckle continues to challenge me each day. We're learning to rock, to pat and to sing instead. The age old hymn "What a Friend we Have in Jesus" seems to be a favorite as I watch his eyes flutter and finally succumb to sleep. 

Yet with the pain, He is granting such peace. There has been so much I didn't think I'd be able to face, but somehow He has made it possible.

Yesterday was another quiet day. During rounds, the only change made was another drop in his morphine dosage. If he continues to do well, I am hopeful most of these medications will be close to being discontinued by weeks end.

I feel like I'm starting to see glimpses of the joyful boy we brought to the ER three weeks ago today. His smile is slowly returning and he has been trying to "talk" more as his body wakes fully from the sedation. I am encouraged by the amount of sound he is making now versus last week and I am believing God is restoring his vocal cord and his ability to eat. 

Please continue to pray for progress and for patience as the distance between us and home still seems lengthy.

I can't believe it's been nearly a month since all seven of us were together. Londyn Grace, Liam, Leva and Laityn have been so amazing as they've dealt with their own emotions regarding this journey and also sickness (twice!) without me there to hold them through it. Our family has been forever changed by our baby boy's heart and I know we will cherish the gift He has given us in each other more now than ever.

I am looking forward to a good week because I serve a good God whose goodness doesn't change based on circumstances. I'm excited to see what He has in store.